ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
