Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
