All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
