it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
