bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
