he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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