My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
