Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
