he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
