haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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