Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
