hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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