Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hippo gnu deer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
