so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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