At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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