The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
