Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
