Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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