You really coming over, don't trick.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drake has all the answers
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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