In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
