nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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