dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
