In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
