then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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