He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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