smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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