I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
