The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
