it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
