and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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