did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
