I could have mohawked her pubes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
