Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize