...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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