It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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