just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
