It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize