i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
did i just pee glitter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
