mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
