I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
