id be glad to
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
