is your mom at the bar?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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