I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
