Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
