so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
