dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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