1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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