fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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