Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
