she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
