I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
