believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
