as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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