You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
