yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
