Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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