She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
