i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
