If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
