im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
