Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
