I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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