just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
