sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
