I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
