I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
