I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
