oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
