So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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