My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Panties = found
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
