I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
