Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
