Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
