If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
