I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
