Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize