So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
