at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
