If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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