operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
