dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
