so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is the high leading the old right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize