just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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