can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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