belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
