That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
