Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
