R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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