Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
