My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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