Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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