I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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